(Because I'm killing time at work...heh heh)

Booty Calls - If I have not talked to you in 2 months, do not call me up at 2am drunk and horny, I will laugh my ass off at you.

Cajones (balls) - If you have had a crush on me forever but can't seem to make a move, get some fucking balls & do something about it, I am sick and tired of your friends telling me about it over & over again. Confidence is the greatest aphrodisiac.

Non-Committal - He/she asks to hang out with you, but then can't seem to find a time to agree on, says "we'll see" (most likely because he/she wants to keep their options open). Puh-lease, like I'll be waiting for that call.

The "Homer" - He/she does something wrong/bad/inconsiderate/whatever, then gets mad at you for getting mad at them.

Wasted Slobering - Will only work if I am also slobbering drunk. Pull yourself out of that drunken haze long enough to assess my sobriety first.

Cling-Wrap - I have a life of my own, you need one too. My sun does not rise and fall every time you take a shit.

I Was That Way When Ya Met Me - If you didn't like my _______ (fill in the blank here, some good examples are: hair, wardrobe, shape of my ass, taste in music, hobbies) then why the hell did you go out with me in the 1st place? Please don't ask me to change it now.

Clueless - If we used to date/have sex/talk a lot/whatever, and I keep turning you down for it now, then it's OVER... don't make me have to spell it out for you, it will be unpleasant for the both of us.

Bad Habits and/or Dirty Little Secrets - Don't bother lying about them, you will only get busted in the end. Better just to take your chances and fess up.

Insult Compliments - If it can in any way be misconstrued as an insult, keep that comment to yourself. Some of my personal faves: "Wow, you're actually pretty smart" or "You're really hot for a girl your size" .

Get With The Times (this mostly applies to girls) - Just because I had sex with you doesn't necessarily mean that I want to be your girlfriend, so don't freak out and assume that I'll want a "relationship". I may not call you the next day, or ever for that matter.

Broken Promises - Don't make promises if you think there's even the slightest possibility that you might break them or change your mind, or if you have a history of doing things like that in the past. Better to not promise anything at all, even if it's just something small or stupid.

Three (or More) Is A Crowd - If we are supposed to go on a date, and I show up to find that 3 or 4 of your friends are going to tag along for the ride, then it is no longer a date, but a group activity, which would have been fine if we had discussed it in the first place (because then I wouldn't have spent so much time getting done up).

I am Not Your Mommy/Daddy - somehow you managed to make your own food, pay your own rent, do your own laundry, schedule your own dentist appointments, wipe your own ass, etc. before you met me. Do not expect that I am going to do it for you now. If I wanted children, I'd go have some.

Pity Lay - Don't ask. I do not take pity on any of your gross friends.