At a recent barflies staff meeting, I mentioned that I missed getting free review CD’s. Jen basically said, “You want CD’s? I got CD’s. They’re in the attic.”
One rickety ladder and a dropped box of her valuables later, I ended up with these. They are all from 2005, so they’ve probably been there since before she went to Ireland.
Be careful what you ask for.

Abdel Wright s/t
This is mostly harmless – folksy, slightly bluesy, reggae influenced pop. The prominent acoustic guitars and harmonicas are nice, but there’s too much drum programming and synthesizer stuff to retain any truly human elements. It’s almost like those fake steel-drum bands that play along with backing tapes at corporate sponsored, tropical-themed company picnics. The lyrics are “political-lite” – too much “Why?” and “What about the children?” and not enough “Down with the Man.” This CD is perfect for soccer moms that have “Meat Is Murder” or “Celebrate Diversity” bumper stickers on their SUV’s.

The Fleshtones – Beachhead
Now THIS is more like it. It’s about time we heard some rock and roll. These guys still have the bad haircuts they had in the 80’s and they’re still churning out great three-chord “would-be-hits-in-a-perfect-world” garage rock anthems. Somewhere along the way, they’ve lost the cheesy Farfisa organ and I’m glad. The songs are short, simple and to the point. There is no ambiguity here. Their philosophy is clearly defined in their choruses – “Let’s get serious about not getting serious”, “I want the answers and I want them right now”, “I am what I am and I like it”. I like this a lot.
To paraphrase the opening song of this album – it’s nothing new, just bigger and better.

Midnight Bombers – Evil Streets
The packaging on this CD is very good. It’s very slick and professional looking. The music sounds okay – hard, fast, and metallic with lots of fiddly bits, but there’s something missing. I don’t know what it is and I’m not going to waste any time trying to figure it out. Unfortunately, this came with a lyric sheet. Bad move – the lyrics are terrible. All the songs are about feeling sorry for yourself, violent crime, and how horrible the world is. It’s like bad poetry that teenagers put up on My Space that gets them kicked out of school and arrested.
And the band wears hooded sweatshirts. Oooooooh, I’m scared.

t.A.T.u. (on their logo, the “u” is backwards)
Dangerous and Moving.
This is absolute shit. I can’t imagine why anyone would like this.
You know those stories about lonely American men that arrange for foreign brides from Russia or Albania or someplace and it turns out to be a scam? They exchange torrid emails for a year and send them thousands of dollars for plane tickets and mysterious medical expenses before they find out that the sexy woman in the pictures they got doesn’t even exist. This sounds like that.
If you’ve fallen for that scam more than twice, you will buy this CD. If you’ve fallen for it more than five times, you will visit them at www.tatugirls.com and propose marriage.

The Vandals
Shingo Japanese Remix Album
This is interesting. The Vandals have made a Beastie Boys album. I can imagine this being played in a mall clothing store. That makes it both frightening and subversively brilliant. Maybe it’s a parody of a Beastie Boys album, I don’t know.
The samples of smooth jazz and Lawrence Welk caliber swing music clashing with clickety clackity drum machines seem to work well with the Vandals vocal tracks and really enhance the comedy of the lyrics, especially on “Appreciate My Honesty” and “Disproportioned Head.” There are some retro 70’s style synthesizer squawks and squeals that are also used to good effect.
This really funny at first listen, but the novelty does wear off.

ET Sessions Volume 2
Mixed by Scott Hardkiss

Various Artists
Expansion Team

What is this? I don’t get it.
Both of these compilations alternate between really boring, soft, slow, new age type fluff and thump-thump, buzz, and elephant fart disco rave trance/dance music. I don’t know which one is more irritating. I don’t take drugs. I don’t have two-day stubble on my face and wear a wool cap pulled over my ears. I don’t like this.
I'm confused and angry.
The last track on the Expansion Team CD is a conspicuously out-of-place song by some guy who used to be in some Canadian punk band. He tries to sound like the Stooges. Big deal. Anybody can try to sound like the Stooges.
Somebody hold me, I'm sad.