These are comments and observations taken from my handy little notebook, which has been hiding in a drawer for two weeks.

"I'd rather sit on a railroad tie under a scrub bush surrounded by red ants than watch this horrible band." (True story)

"(Insert band name) has less in common with the Ramones than Styx had in common with Chuck Berry."

"A mohawk and a blue-tooth - is this 1984 or 2009?"

"A drunk trying to light a cigarette with a cell phone."

"Did that shirt say 'FBI - Fat Booty Inspector'?"