Happy Thanksgiving my readers! Itís time to stuff yourself silly with turkey, potatoes, stuffing, and yams while desperately trying to avoid the people you would never hang out with if it wasn't for the fact you call them "family."
For me, alcohol keeps the situation bearable. Hey, itís free and it keeps a goofy grin plastered across my face.
There is an alternative - movies. I used to work at a theater and know for a fact they are open come rain, shine, and all national and religious holidays. So go see a movie and avoid the relatives for a couple hours. Itís like a vacation within a vacation.
The Top Three Candidates for My $10:
1) In America
2) The Missing
3) My Flesh and Blood
A lot of movies are being released this weekend - some worth seeing, most worth avoiding (even if it means spending more time with veritable strangers your parents "say" are related to you)(this time I'm asking for proof). So without further delay, back to the business sparing the worthy and skewering that which should have never been made.
Haunted Mansion
Isn't this a ride at that bastion of Fascism in Anaheim? Where the only day you meet interesting people is on Bat's Day when all the local Goths do a hostile takeover of the Enchanted Kingdom and get Medieval on old Walt's frozen ass.
An uninspired cast, for an uninspired movie. Go to House of the Mouse at the end of August and ride the ride. You'll have a lot more fun and can play "Count the Piercings" while waiting in line.
The Missing
The dynamic duo that brought you A Beautiful Mind is back with their Oscar entry for this year. Cate Blanchet plays a single mother of two daughters in the late 19th century wilderness of the Southwest. One of her little whelps is kidnapped and Blanchet must turn to her estranged father (played by Tommy Lee Jones) for help.
Let's hear it for child stealing psychopaths who bring families closer together!
Timeline
Talk about getting Medieval, I wouldn't mind cat-o-nine tailing Paul Walker's fabulous behind. Unfortunately, Mr. Walker isn't enough to make me sit through this movie.
Evil Dead did it first and far better.
Bad Santa
Billy Bob Thornton plays a thief who cases department stores by playing Santa during the holidays; only he sucks at being Santa. Then, Angelina's ex-husband meets and befriends a young loser who helps teach him the meaning of Christmas.
Out of all the holiday themed movies this year, this could be the best. But that's like being the white stuff on top of a pile of chicken poop. It may be white, but its still crap.
The Cooler
Bernie (William H. Macy) is so unlucky he makes a living at it. The pit boss at a casino sends him to a table where someone is winning and his bad luck rubs off on them. Then Bernie falls in love and his luck changes for the better, except now he's out of a job. Happy Holidays to you too.
It looks contrived, but cute. Possibly worth seeing on cable in a few months.
In America
An out of work actor from Ireland drags his family to NYC so that he can be an out of work actor in the Big Apple. Okay, so he won't be joining Mensa in the near future, but the story is supposed to a deeply moving love letter to America and the immigrants who come here.
The director, Jim Sheridan, also brought us In the Name of the Father and My Left Foot (both awarded Oscars). This is by far the strongest candidate for my $10.
The Triplets of Belleville
This is a French animated film about a woman who in search of her grandson who was kidnapped by the mafia before finishing the Tour de France. Along the way she is joined by a cabaret sister act.
You'll have to tell me how it was because I'm not going.
My Flesh and Blood
This is a documentary that will make anyone's family seem like the descendents of kings. A woman in Central California is the adopted mother of 11 special needs children. One has no legs, the other is irreparably burned, another has anger issues, a couple are mentally deficient.
If you want to see a movie and go home being grateful for the family you have, then this is the movie for you.