I am sick. I have one week left before my first PRB tournament and I can't stop my nose from dripping toxic ooze (I'm exaggerating the nature of the ooze for dramatic effect).
Fear not! I may be tired and infirmed, but I will not leave you without movie recommendations for the coming weekend. This, and this alone, is how I will earn myself a spot on the fast track to heaven. This is the Lord's work. Treating lepers in Calcutta is for wimps.
1) Inside Deep Throat
2) Uncle Nino
3) Ong-Bak
Hitch
This is being stupidly marketed as the perfect date movie. Guys, do you really want to take your girlfriend to a movie featuring a genuinely nice leading character with loads of personality to match is exceptional empathy for women and natural charm? Girls, do you really want to buy into another stereotype driven movie where all the men are flawed and the women are perfect? All that does is propagate the myth of inequity between the sexes and that doesn't do anyone any good.
People, this is the equivalent hiring a contortionist for him/her to sleep with on Valentines Day. Just try to measure up after that.
Pooh's Hephalump Movie
Not suggested for people who have reached puberty and beyond.
Inside Deep Throat
Now this is the perfect date movie. It's not a porno; it's a documentary about a porno. A physical and intellectual stimulant all rolled into one! What could be better?
My biggest reason for wanting to go see it - a clip of a little old lady telling the news cameramen that she didn't like being told what she could and could not see. "If I want to go see a dirty picture, then by golly I'm going to see a dirty picture." Go grandma! Get your groove on!
Ong-Bak
If you thought Hong Kong martial arts pictures featured amazing human feats, try Thai martial arts pictures. Plot? Screw the plot. This is fast as lightning Thai style fighting!
Uncle Nino
Good luck finding this in your local theater. An Italian family is Chicago is turned upside down when a father's estranged uncle comes to visit. (I was at a loss for #2)
Bride and Prejudice
Just when you thought you've seen every variation on that Jane Austen novel, Bollywood takes a crack at it. What's that whirring sound? Oh, that's just Jane spinning in her grave.