I know I've been neglecting you, my readers, and I'm sorry, but I have really good reasons. Really. Don't give me that look. Hey! I said I was sorry. I started a new job, I moved, I moved into a place that didn't have an internet connection, I had dates (no, that plural is not a typo), and I was a bit neglectful.
There I said it. I was hindered my circumstances beyond my control AND I was neglectful. Now don't you start with me. What else do you want?!
Oh... you want my picks. Well why didn't you say so? Making me feel guilty. You're just like my mother.
1) Asylum
2) The Great Raid
3) Pretty Persuasion
Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo
This is my punishment isn't it? I don't write reviews for a month and you're punishing me with another Deuce Bigalow movie. Wait, it's set in Europe? Well, that changes everything! Now it's a steaming pile of crap with an Eiffel Tower stuck in the middle. A completely different animal.
Skeleton Key
Sources say it's a mystery/thriller without the mystery, and once you take out the mystery, it's not much of a thriller either. Kate Hudson, I understand, she can't act her way out of a see-through dress, but Peter Sarsgaurd? I know you've been doing the indie thing for a while now, but you can't be this hard up for a paycheck, can you? What is it? Gambling debts? A botox addiction? Just come clean. Help is available. If you can just be honest with us, then we can find it in our hearts to forgive you, and then you can go back to making good movies.
Four Brothers
I guess Marky Mark missed his Funky Bunch, so he decided to make a movie with a bunch of black people in hopes that it would bring him back to the days when he could dance around in his underwear and rap like a kid from remedial English. Some plans have potential. This isn't one of them.
The Great Raid
Okay, it's another WWII movie, but it's supposed to be a really good WWII movie and it takes place in the Philippines. That's different, right? Right? (sigh)
Asylum
A psychiatrist's wife at a maximum-security insane asylum falls in love with one of her husband's patients and decides to help him escape and run away with him. The trick is, the psycho was convicted of murdering his late wife.
I would say something mean spirited about this, but this is one of those glass houses and throwing stones situations.
Pretty Persuasion
A trio of well to do high school students decide to falsely accuse their teacher with an eye for the young'ns of sexual harassment. It's rumored to be well written with a fantastic cast, and if I were Ron Livingston's student I'd want him to have dirty thoughts about me too.
Spank me, Mr. Livingston. I haven't done my homework and I need to be punished. You call that a spanking?!
Grizzly Man
A documentary about some granola nut job decides to live among grizzly bears in Alaska and low and behold, ends up mauled to death by a bear. I hate to say this, but some people are just too stupid to live.