Mermania: Get your hands on a giant can of tuna and you'll be able to impersonate the Chicken of the Sea mermaid with Neiman Marcus' new $10,000 mermaid costume. The handcrafted urethane suit comes with its own repair kit, maintenance instructions and expert training on how to swim in it. Or, for mermaids on a budget, designer Thom Shouse — who dressed Daryl Hannah in "Splash" — rents mermaid costumes (for $1,000 to $1,500 per week), along with wigs, clamshell bras and life-size fake dolphins at his Web site, http://www.mermaid rentals.com. Sadly, there is no McRoskey mermaid mattress.

Luncheon Meat Underwear: What's the only thing better than Spam boxer shorts? How about glow-in-the-dark Spam boxer shorts. Decked with phosphorescent silk-screened Spam cans, these cotton briefs sell for $15 at http://www.spamgift.com .

As for stocking stuffers:

• Air fresheners that look and smell like strips of bacon, $4.99 at stupid.com.

• Air-conditioned computer mouse. Prevent sweaty palms with Nyko's Air Flo Mouse, which contains a built-in fan.

• His-and-her robots. A bargain at $400,000, these 6-foot-tall programmable slaves read poetry, serve drinks and even greet visitors at the front door and give them a ride to your den. From neimanmarcus.com.