From the Weekly World News, so you know it's true...
Have you recently noticed a lot more small planes flying over your neighborhood? And that you've been feeling pretty upbeat about America lately? The real reason why might surprise you.
"It's because the aircraft are spraying a chemical the government calls HG-C, or Happy Gas-Civilian," claims sociologist and researcher Dr. Carla Halcourt.
"The plan to spray urban areas with the gas was hatched in Washington as a way to take the American people's minds off the sick economy, unemployment, rising prices and terrorism.
"A whiff of HG-C makes people feel happier almost instantly. As far as is known, it has no serious side effects -- though it can cause fatigue, diarrhea and hair loss. Even so, the use of this gas on Americans is outrageous and unacceptable. It's like a form of chemical brainwashing."
Dr. Halcourt belongs to a group of a dozen D.C.-area researchers who call themselves the Committee of Concerned Scientists and say they first learned of the scheme from contacts in the Defense Department. According the researchers, HG-C was first developed in Iraq and later refined by U.S. scientists to make it less toxic.
"Saddam and other Middle East despots had been using HG-C to keep civilian populations under control since the early 1980s," explains Dr. Halcourt. "When the CIA learned how effective it was, the decision by Uncle Sam to make a modified form of it here was almost irresistible."
Aerial dispersal of HG-C began in the spring of 2002, say the experts. They claim that to be as unobtrusive as possible, the spraying is often conducted by small, unmanned drones, flying at high altitude or at night.
"If you think you hear the hum of an aircraft high overhead late at night, when your home was never under a flight path before, that's almost certainly an HG-C dispersal plane," reveals Dr. Halcourt.
Weather balloons sent aloft by meteorologists in the group have confirmed the presence of HG-C in the skies over New York, Chicago, Los Angeles and nine Midwestern cities chosen at random, the researchers say.
"If you have any doubt that this stuff works, take a look at polls that show the vast majority of Americans give 'high marks' to President Bush for his handling of the economy, despite federal deficits exceeding $450 billion and the worst job market in 20 years," Dr. Halcourt says.
"Then take a look at the vacant smiles on the faces of your neighbors."
The Bush administration calls the Happy Gas claims "pure bunkum," claiming that any unusual government aircraft citizens may spot over their hometowns are probably involved in the war on terrorism.
"I can tell you categorically that this president has no specific knowledge of any mind-altering gases being distributed over American cities without the approval of local officials," a White House source insists.
